Paper Cut
by TwilightCakes
Summary: Jasper never thought that a paper cut would change his life, or the lives of the people around him so drastically. Bella Swan's birthday party scene from New Moon, but through Jasper's thirsty eyes.
1. Paper Cut Part I

All belongs to Stephenie Meyer - I just elaborated Jasper's view. Read and Review!

Looking back, I now understand why vampires don't have birthday parties.

As I watched my wife flit around the room, arranging and rearranging the endless supply of petal pink candles and matching flower arrangements, I have to admit I was a bit bemused. Not that that was a strange occurrence around Alice – she did a lot of things that confused me. However, after nearly sixty years of marriage I have learned to simply nod and smile, sometimes adding on a 'Yes, dear'.

Unfortunately, I didn't remember much about the last birthday party I went to. Granted, it had been nearly a century and a half ago and a human-to-vampire change later, so one can understand why I didn't' remember much about it.

Alice hummed an unknown melody absently to herself as she arranged the flowers in their glass vases, changing and rearranging them in their abstract clusters. She would tighten a bow, move a package on the table, pull one flower just so…and then she would step back and look at it all.

And then the process would repeat.

If she heard my patient sigh, she didn't acknowledge it. I was content just to be close to my mate and soak up the loveliness pouring off of her.

Sometimes I felt like Alice's joy and love was like sunshine; it poured down from her happy, smiling face and I could catch it and bathe in just like real sunlight. Her constant good moods that I had stored with my gift were much like my proverbial tan. I could pretend that I could wear her rays of sunshine much like a human would wear the real effects of sunlight on their skin. I would be happy to wear her cheerfulness forever.

_Alice was my bliss. _

I had fought the monster within myself successfully for almost two decades; I would not let him success and prosper now, especially now that Bella was in our lives. I wouldn't ruin that for Edward. I knew that if the tables were turned and Alice was Bella, Edward would never have let anything happen to my Alice.

Life with Alice was peaceful.

Everything else fell to the wayside; life with her cancelled everything else out. As a newborn, I had been nearly crippled by the horror of the vampires around me, and that fact doubled with the things I could never have, well…that too held me captive in my own mind for decades.

As a young soldier in the Confederate Army, I had foolishly hoped for things I didn't know I would never have. If I would have known about all the silly things I would never have, would I have sill wished for them?

I would never own a home, or have a wife, a family, and children. My freakish appearance was far too unchanging and perfect to go unnoticed, even if I did manage to meet the right woman and not kill her.

Instantly I was taken back to the dusty, abandoned Mexican towns where we stayed. Often the newborn vampires would go on feeding raids into the city and would bring back live humans that they had hoped would be their mates.

Dozens of times I had seen and felt the appeal of a human to one of the newborn vampires I shared ranks with in a romantic sense. They were all fools. Often times they would tempt fate and try to change someone of the opposite sex just to have company and someone to share their hellish existence with.

Ninety nine percent of the time they lost control and killed their chosen human mate instead of changing them. Their devilish thirst would bring them no companions. I could hear it like it was yesterday; hear the hollow screams of the few vampires with actual _feelings_ as they bent over their drained potential mates, bawling and often cursing their own creator. Their cries of anguish would echo off the desolate buildings in the southern ghost-like abandoned towns. I could almost taste the dust on my tongue as I pictured the desolate landscape that had claimed the bleak first part of my life.

I blinked in a feeble effort to banish the images from that danced in the front of my mind.

That time felt like it had been centuries ago, yet I could still remember it with a hunting clarity that would never leave me in peace. Those years had been nothing short of agony.

Yet somehow I had managed to escape the binds that held me steadfast in the south, and soon after I found Alice. My Alice.

Every worry, every fear, every petty little thing I had held onto over the years had fallen away and withered like dead petals on a flower when I met her. The house, the children, the job, the white picket fence I yearned for all became forgotten, even to my sharp mind. She had become my wife, and had in place expelled every want for those trivial things with one simple smile.

I fought every day to be worthy of that smile.

I had fallen down several times. _More than several_. Each time I had come back to her with tell tale irises and blood on my collar, she had simply smiled sympathetically at me and handed me a clean shirt. I could practically see her wiping the slate clean of my sins against humans. With Alice, I would always have a fresh start.

I sat in the chair stiffly, silently swallowing and gauging my thirst. The all too familiar burn echoed back as if to taunt me.

I had been careful to hunt the night before, however I had been unlucky with the selection and had only caught a small fox. I had been crabby upon returning, but Alice had assured me that it would be fine. I never even thought to doubt her.

Rosalie walked into the living room first, her tall high heels clicking on the hardwood floors. She paused, surveying the scene before her with an annoyed look. But, behind that was a look of apprehension. My sister was no fool. Rosalie had never killed a human accidently; in fact, in times of need when my control was slipping I would often linger with my 'twin' sister in hopes of soaking up some of her iron clad power.

_I envied Rosalie. _

Her hatred for what she was and what she could become by giving in to her thirst was what drove her like a riding whip would a race horse. My sister could take her waning resolve for human blood and turn in around to build up an imaginary steel wall around herself.

_After years of being around humans I could not taste, it was a wall I ached to be behind. _

Alice turned to Rosalie from her position in the center of the room, her expectant smile undoubtedly hoping for praise. Rosalie chose not to indulge her.

"This is silly," she said. "She doesn't want a birthday party and it's ridiculous to keep inviting her into our home."

If her malicious comment bothered Alice, she didn't let it show. Her golden eyes looked sideways at me, and I offered her a tight smile.

_Maybe I'll ask her to marry me again, just so she might have something pretty to plan. We haven't had a wedding in a few decades. I've been looking for an excuse to buy her a new ring, _I thought, eying the simple diamond eternity band that my wife insisted was her taste.

I heard the bigger, stronger footsteps of my brother Emmett, as he strode in to stand next to Rosalie. How he dealt with her, I still wasn't sure. Even after decades together as a family, it still sometimes amused me that Emmett, good hearted, jolly Emmett, belonged to Rosalie. I had missed my brother while he was in Africa. As strange as it was to admit, I had pouted around the house for weeks after Rosalie dragged him to the far off continent.

When we had returned from Arizona and rescuing Bella from James, Rosalie had felt like a real fool. I didn't need Edward's gift to tell me that much. She was embarrassed for throwing such a fit the day before we left, but she was ten times more upset when Edward had paraded Bella around the house all summer afterwards. Every soft 'thump' of Bella's cast on the hardwood floors had mocked her. Waves of anger and shame had rolled off of her for an entire month after that.

Then the one time Rosalie had actually acknowledge Bella, the sweet girl had been so kind to her that I thought Rosalie was going to leap over the kitchen counter and rip her head off. She had bought the tickets for the month long African safari just an hour later. Then before we knew it, she and Emmett were gone.

Just thinking about the wild African game he had described to me made my mouth pool with venom.

_I can't be thinking about how thirsty I am when Bella arrives. I'll drive Edward insane._

I instead concentrated on watching my wife dance around the room with glee, this time to light the candles that floated in the crystal bowls that were placed on every flat surface of the room.

"How much longer?" Rosalie asked impatiently, flipping one of her golden curls behind her shoulder. Alice paused as she lit the candles, letting her vision go hazy and her body stiffen.

"About two minutes. They're still on the highway."

I watched as Rosalie frowned, and I tried to avoid the annoyed emotions that were rolling off of her. Not one to be shown up by the human, she had carefully hunted just hours before and had even done her hair for the occasion, donning a fancy black dress. It was almost as if she was saying, _'Here I am, just try and get the better of me_.' No, Rosalie was never one to be out done.

I tried to think about something besides her negativity while we waited for Bella. I had to be careful whose emotions I focused on in my family; if I dwelled too much on one person's fear, anger, thirst, apprehension…it could be overwhelming.

I always had to be extremely careful.

"Did you hunt today?" I asked Alice carefully. She paused as she adjusted the cake on the table, her humming stopped.

"No, I didn't have time."

"Alice, you don't even sleep. Why didn't you have time?" I asked her with a quiet laugh.

She snorted and didn't even look at me. "Too much to do!"

I settled back further into the chair, swallowing again. _Just thinking about Bella's enticing aroma that rolled off of her in waves made my throat singe with the familiar fire and ache. _

Carlisle came in next, followed by Esme, who squealed in delight when she laid eyes on the scene before her.

"Alice! This is wonderful…oh; you have such an eye for decorating. The next time you go college, why not do something for interior design?"

Alice smiled shyly and smoothed her navy blue dress. "Oh Esme, you know that my real talents lie in fashion," she mused.

"When will she be here?" Rosalie asked sharply from where she stood in the doorway. She pressed her fingertip softly to her nails, which still reeked of nail polish.

Esme gave her impatient daughter a knowing look, and then turned to smile reassuringly at Alice. I could feel the waves of love and excitement rolling off of Esme; she was so enamored with Bella Swan it was almost comical. I secretly hoped that Bella never directly asked Esme to change her; I had a feeling Esme would have dragged her to the hospital during Carlisle's shift to coyly ask her husband to bite the girl right there as if it was nothing more than a simple vaccination.

We all heard Bella's exasperated moan as soon as her decrepit Chevy began its journey up our winding driveway. Esme giggled, sharing her amusement with Carlisle, who affectionately touched her nose and looked in the direction of the driveway.

Another groan could be heard as Bella climbed out of the passenger side of the truck, undoubtedly at the magnitude of Alice's decorations.

"She's seen my lanterns," Alice chuckled daintily to herself, clapping her hands together.

Sometimes I think she enjoyed embarrassing the poor little human girl. _My Alice…sometimes the strangest things amused my Alice. _

We all stood, arranging ourselves as best we could in a non-threatening way around the living room. A smart human would have feared us either way, but I could always read Bella's emotions when she was around us. She was almost never nervous of anxious around even me or Emmett. _No, the Swan girl was entirely trusting. _

Almost _too_ trusting.

We waited, frozen like statues as Bella slowly made her way to the front door. I could still hear her favoring the still healing leg that James had broken when she walked. The awkward cast was long gone, but I could still hear a gimp in her step.

I swallowed nervously, struggling to collect my thoughts and what should be my nonexistent thirst. The monster within me cackled, as if to remind me that he can and would rear his awful head should I give him an ounce of power.

But I didn't want to kill a human, especially not Bella Swan. _I would not kill her. _

_I'm sorry Edward. Nothing to be worried about. I hunted last night, I promise. Just a little nervous, I've got it under control,_ I thought at my brother. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin this day for either one of them.

She paused at the door and asked my brother the most ridiculous question about whether or not he would appear on the film should she develop the pictures from the party.

That caused us to relax and actually share a quiet laugh. We stood together, my family and I in our living room, trying our best to welcome our guest. We were there to give her a birthday party because she had grown another year, and she was aging. In that moment, as Edward gave Bella a moment outside to calm herself, I think we all almost felt human. We were there to give our friend, Edward's girlfriend, a birthday party, just like any other humans would.

Then, Edward opened the door with a flourish, and Bella walked in with a grimace. Her heart pounded her intoxicating blood through her veins and her delicious, human scent hit all of our noses at once.

Based on the flurry of emotions of wild thirst and fights for control that echoed off my family, I doubted that any of us had ever felt _less_ human that we did at that moment.

Part II is coming soon. I'd love to hear what you thought – please review!


	2. Paper Cut Part II

PAPER CUT

.part II.

_-Dialogue from this section taken from New Moon, aka, Stephenie Meyer, aka, not me. No copyright infringement intended. _

_x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x_

After the few milliseconds of shock as Bella's scent hit us all, I clamped my teeth together and focused on blocking out the range of the normal, slightly panicky feelings coming from my family when we usually entered a room with a beating heart_. And Blood. And gushing blood…red…flowing….pumping…._

Edward's eyes briefly flicked to me first as he heard my suppressed murderous thoughts. He made eye contact with all of us as he pressed his lips to Bella's hair quickly, as if to mark her as his for the rest of his dangerous company to see.

My appearance was not the only thing that hadn't changed in the century and a half that I had been immortal. My loathing yet loving relationship with my special talent had taken its toll on me.

Before Alice, I had lived a life of strife and horror, and had been nearly exhausted and driven to near suicide after feeling the emotions coming from Maria's newborn army. My talent had not been developed easily; I had felt the fear, horror, and malice emulating from the new creatures far before I would learn that I could control it.

No, the control had taken time, practice, and patience to develop. It had been horrible before I learned to control the emotions of the disturbed animal like- vampires around me. When I had branched out with Peter and Charlotte, their loving, lustful desires had made me feel more like a third wheel than a leader. I had gone alone for several decades after parting with them peacefully.

Traveling the continent alone had been a solitary, monotonous life. It didn't matter if I was looking at an ocean, a snowy mountain range, or a rolling moonlit prairie. I had been utterly alone, wallowing in my shallow existence.

But that had changed with Alice.

Alice had taken my hand in the Philadelphia diner and led me away from all the hurt and deceit that had been my life until that point. When my wife had finally found me, I had been a distrustful, defensive creature that was full of regret, pain, and suffering. To say I was suspicious of her when she bounded up to me, her thin white hand extended in front of her, blurting out my name…I had been scared. She wasted no time telling me that she had been looking for me, and I had instantly been alarmed.

That had all vanished when I was able to relax, concentrate, and use my gift to read her. Alice's jubilance couldn't be faked. The happiness and exuberance that melted off of the tiny vampire felt like the rays of the sun that I had avoided for so long.

Alice was my sunlight.

Alice had led me away from it all and had helped me find the man. I had almost felt human again with Alice. She had taken me back to my human side so that we could live together in harmony with the people that she found so fascinating. I knew right away that it was important to her; it was our unspoken agreement that if I wanted to say with her, I would have to at least try.

_I had been trying for over sixty years. And it wasn't getting much easier. _

Living with another coven of vampires was not my most ideal of living situations. At first, I had been extremely hesitant to form any sort of bond with more vampires; Alice I trusted, but the others…I wasn't so sure. I didn't have good experience with groups, as can be expected. I didn't have anything against Carlisle in his family; I knew from the moment I tested their emotions that the entire family had less aggression or hate in them than what had been in one of Maria's fingertips. The Cullens had put me instantly at ease.

However, living with a group of vampires did get difficult at times like this, when we were all thirsty and being reminded of what we were by a gushing, throbbing heart standing in our living room, tempting and taunting us.

I tested the moods and emotions coming from my family with a skilled yet cautious expertise. Too much too fast, and I would undoubtedly feel extremely uncomfortable by their feelings; _it was almost like dipping a toe in the water to test the temperature_, I thought with a smirk.

Based on the feelings floating around the room at the moment, it was hard to believe we were at a birthday party, about to celebrate. I could feel the thirst of everyone in the room with me, even Edward. I had to wince every time I was around them together. Just to feel the waves of iron control that Edward emulated around Bella made me cringe when I imagined how she must have smelled to him.

I had met my blood singer in the sixties, after almost a decade of resisting the call of human blood. It was the only time Alice had seen me cry tearlessly in shame as I remembered the violent act I had just committed on the old man whose blood had sung to me. I could still see her sympathetic golden eyes as they calmly took in the sight of my darkening crimson ones. _The gruesome act still haunted me. To imagine standing next to him and his blood, day after day after day_….I winced.

Edward glanced at me quickly.

_I'm sorry Edward. It just hits me like a wall..everyone's thirst when they see her…it emulates from them. It's…hard. I can….feel it. I'm sorry. I don't mean it, _I thought at him.

I wasn't lying to him. It was extremely hard to be around Bella – his feelings for control around her mixed with those of my family…when everything mixed together it could be torturous. Especially since I had 'graduated' and no longer attended high school.

_I should be ashamed with myself…I am ashamed. I've made it through high school before dozens of times, and I'm still learning to deal with all of this. This control…this oblivious, nonchalant attitude towards human blood – it's ludicrous! How can a creature such as myself go without the taste forever…never again…to never feel the warmth and relief as it slides down..cooling…soothing…NO! Stop! Control yourself. Remember Jasper Whitlock, the man. Commander. Son. Friend. Husband. _

_Husband. _

_Alice._

_Remember Alice._

_I never want to hurt her. Breaking my vow to only feed from animals would break Alice's heart. I couldn't. I won't._

I swallowed and realized that less than a second has passed since Bella entered our house. I had begun to let my thoughts get out of control, and that couldn't happen – especially not now.

_The fun was only beginning,_ I thought to myself bitterly.

I looked around the room and tried to soak up some of the more positive feelings floating around, biting back my instincts and further suppressing my urge to think murderous thoughts about the beating heart at the top of the living room stairs.

I blinked my golden eyes, suddenly feeling paranoid that they had turned to black. A quick glance sideways in the glass windows told me that I was still fine. _I still looked normal, my thirst was under control, and I would be okay. Most importantly, Bella would be okay. _

I looked over at Edward, silently praying for forgiveness from him. It would have killed me to have to listen to someone plot to harm my Alice; I would have surely gone mad. I would have ripped them limb from limb, not letting them take another breath on this earth.

Edward's eyes met mind from the top of the stairs, giving me an 'Exactly' look.

I bit back some venom that had pooled in my mouth and swallowed shamefully, my eyes falling to the floor.

My mood improved when Alice's understanding eyes met mine. Thinking about Alice automatically made everything better. Right away.

She gave me one of what I liked to call 'our smiles' and then turned and looked adoringly at the human girl standing at the top of the steps. Even after more than half a century together, I still was in awe of the creature that was my Alice.

Through the struggles, the slip ups, the fallbacks, the despair…she was always there. Giving me 'our smiles'. She would tilt her chin down, lower her timeless eyes, and turn the corner of her left cheek up, careful to hide her teeth. Then, her eyes would sparkly slightly and her lips would purse as if she was trying to bite back one of her infectious high pitched giggles with her razor sharp teeth. Everything was okay with one of those smiles.

Sometimes I felt like my wife was a fairy god mother of sorts. She could see my future and inevitably change it to fit my benefit; she flew around the room like I would imagine a fairy would; and she did of course like sparkly dresses. And most importantly, she would have done anything to ensure my happiness. With a dazzling smile and a tinkling laugh, Alice had been making my dreams come true for over half a century.

_Yes, in many ways Alice was a lot like my fairy god mother. _

I would do anything for Alice. And if that meant living life with her human best friend that gave her more joy than anything else, I would just live through it. I was willing to suffer for Alice's happiness.

I came back to the present. I would need to focus if I was going to handle this.

After 'graduating' high school, my practice around humans had grown rusty. As torturous as it was to attend high school every day, it did make running into a human here or there a lot less of a problem. Not that I was terribly afraid; my control had held fast for decades now, but I still had to watch myself.

I took a shaky breath, testing the mood of my family members to see if anything was awry.

Edward stood at the top of the steps with his new reason for living, his new reason to make it through the day without slipping up. His new reason for living this life, if that's even what we did.

_Bella. _

How could I explain my brother and his human? It wasn't easy. His love and utter devotion for her rolled off of him in jubilant waves. However, his lust for the blood the flowed beneath her pale, thin skin also was apparent to me through my gift. Not that he ever would act on it.

His control was like a brick wall; unmoving, unwavering. He was a little apprehensive, but more so for Bella's less than pleased reaction for the party that was taking place before her.

Bella was always a whirlwind for me to feel. Her eyes darted over the room full of pink roses and glass bowls full of candles. Any calm feelings she had left her when she spotted the table that Alice had carefully arranged with her gifts and cake.

I smiled to myself. _Oh, Alice._

My wife was emulating beams of joy and playfulness, sensing Bella's chagrin and horror. Alice was a lot like a small child in that regard; the more you threw a fit and avoided something, the more she would giggle and push it in your face. But it was all in good fun for her. Alice, sensing that Bella wasn't thrilled with the idea of a party or being the center of attention, softened her excitement as Edward wrapped a protective arm around Bella's waist. He gave her a pointed look as if to say, _Rein it in. _

I watched Alice dance up to a clearly horrified Bella, her flat little shoes barely making a noise on the wooden surface.

Alice cleared her throat quickly and just so that we could hear, giving us her signal to speak.

"Happy Birthday!" my family chorused, their chiming voices ringing in the large living room. I chose to clamp my mouth shut and refrain from breathing.

Edward led her down the staircase, Alice lithely dancing out of the way. Carlisle and Esme stood the closest to the door, ever the symbol of welcoming benevolence. I watched my mother enclose Bella in her steely arms as a human would touch a butterfly's wing.

"Happy Birthday Bella," she whispered amorously. Esme pulled out of the hug, gently grasping Bella's hands in her own to look upon her with a gaze so enchanted it was almost heart wrenching.

Bella's cheeks turned pink, and I caught myself seething with envy as my mother stayed completely calm. I caught no tones or feelings of thirst coming from her anymore, as Esme had calmed herself since the door opened. I longed for her cool, calm control. And Carlisle…

Carlisle could have bathed in a bathtub of warm human blood and not been swayed. He was ever the epitome of calm and collected, his control a feat that not even the Volturi themselves understood.

"Sorry about this, Bella," he whispered loudly. The shy girl ducked her head and looked sideways at Edward as Carlisle spoke in jest. "We couldn't rein Alice in."

Emmett and Rosalie were next. I felt another pang of envy as any feelings the pair had of thirst were promptly pushed aside and replaced with anything but.

Rosalie, as always, had a flare of anger coming from her. That was nothing new. She was irked that she had to be there, and nothing was fresh about that. At all. I was surprised when I felt a wave of envy come from her as her eyes fell upon the cowering human girl at the bottom of the steps.

"Smile!" Alice hissed under her breath at Rosalie, too fast for Bella's ears. Rosalie lightened her glare and instead just stood there, looking indifferent.

_Oh Rose…always so jealous of the girl to be able to age…and have babies,_ I thought to myself.

Rosalie's eyes fell to the wooden floor, her lips rubbing together as she undoubtedly thought about the silliness of tonight's event. However, it did not stop her from smoothing out her black silk dress and letting satisfaction practically ooze from her pores.

Emmett stood next to her, beaming with excitement. It floated off of him and all the way over to me, alleviating my mood a little as I tried to soak in his joy. He grinned even bigger when Bella's still horrified eyes fell on him. I looked at her as beams of bewilderment came from her as she looked at Emmett and Rosalie.

_Ah, so she sees them the same way I do. Larger than life, and more beautiful than anything should be, _I thought to myself with a wry smile. _Although the pair of them has always made Bella feel a little scared. As they should. _

Emmett pretended to pout. "You haven't changed at all," he said. "I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced as always."

"Thanks a lot, Emmett," Bella said, blushing even harder.

_I didn't think it would be possible for more blood to fit into her cheeks…good good, I was wrong. _

My Alice knew to save me. Shame filled me as she must have seen me doing something wrong, for she skipped to my side, grasping my hand. _Oh, there's that smile…._

I swallowed the venom that was pooling in my mouth, hoping in vain that it would help soothe the burning sensation that had mocked me throughout my existence. Sometimes I felt like there was a small demon dwelling there, burrowed into the insides of my neck. As a newborn, I used to sit in the corner of the dusty buildings Maria had us dwell in and argue with the little monster that I had pictured to reside there. Every time I disobeyed his demonic wishes, he punished me by spitting fire on the tender cells that lined my throat and mouth_. He mocked me then as he is still mocking me today. _

"I have to step out for a second," Emmett said. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone."

"I'll try," Bella replied with a cringe. She looked confused about him leaving, but said nothing. She must be used to strange things around here. He made a large production of leaving through the back door. I heard him fly around to the front of the house where her truck was parked to begin installing the ostentatious car stereo he had purchased for her for her birthday. There was no way the simple, conservative girl would appreciate a gift so flamboyant; however, _such was the Cullen way. _

Alice could no longer babysit me; she had party duties to attend to. She dropped my hand, darting back over to her new friend.

"Time for presents!" she trilled, carefully grabbing Bella's elbow and dragging the hesitant girl to the table full of gifts. Bella looked like she wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole.

"Alice, I told you I didn't want anything-" Bella began to argue.

"But I didn't listen," my wife interjected smugly. She avoided Bella's annoyed scowl and shoved the first silver wrapped present at her.

She opened it, rolling her eyes and huffing the whole time. I could see why Edward found this girl so amusing. She wa_s_ interesting to watch. Her emotions moved like a slinky – no sooner had she settled on one feeling than a new one would come tumbling over, almost overwhelming her.

Edward looked at me from the corner of his eye, an amused smile beginning to appear.

The poor girl shook the box that I knew to be empty. I listened and heard Emmett slam the door in the driveway, signaling the he was done installing the device she was about to unwrap.

Once the paper had been shed, she frowned again as her sluggish human eyes tried to read the package that was adorned with information about the stereo. I followed the amused tone coming from Rosalie and was shocked when she actually cracked a smile.

I took a deep breath, focusing on Alice's excitement instead of my raging throat. "It's a stereo for your truck," I explained. Bella gave me a surprised glance as a clamped my mouth shut once again. I knew she wouldn't have expected me to do much speaking; she understood my constant struggle a little bit, but I knew Edward had never divulged exactly how much torture I still endured around humans.

I heard Emmett stifle a chuckle from where he sat in the old Chevy in the driveway. "Tell her once it's in here, she can't return it," I heard him say with another laugh.

"Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it," I added, conveying his message.

Bella looked at me incredulously, a small smile then appearing on her lips. She looked back down at the package, shaking her head.

"Thanks Jasper, Rosalie," she said, placing the empty box on the table next to the cake. "Thanks Emmett!" she said, raising her voice slightly.

We all heard his loud guffaws coming from her truck, and I couldn't help but laugh.

_Oh no..laughing takes air. Laughing uses air. Laughing is not good, _I thought, clamping my jaw shut. I swiftly quit breathing.

"Open mine and Edward's next!" I heard Alice's voice raise a few octaves from her excitement.

I smiled tightly at my wife, who was still letting her exuberance and enthusiasm roll off of her. I tried to imagine myself as a sponge.

"You promised!" Bella hissed at my brother. He feigned horror and rolled his eyes at her, further igniting her angry kitten-like fury.

Bella exhaled nervously, spreading her delicious breath throughout the room. I watched Esme smile through her clamped teeth; Emmett walked back into the house and pressed his lips together. The only ones who seemed oblivious to her glorious smell were Alice and Edward.

_I can do this. Bella is my friend. She is my human friend, _I chanted to my throat. Alice had once suggested focusing on the details of the human's life; to think of them as real people instead of a meal. That helped, but realistically the demon would still argue back with a much more tempting point of view than even Alice could present.

"Just in time!" Emmett boomed, stomping down the stairs and back into the living room. He pushed past me, and even I followed him a little closer to Bella to see her reaction to the next present.

I swallowed a mouthful of venom as Bella nervously toyed with a strand of her hair, her movement sending small drafts of deliciousness my way. Edward stepped closer to her, resting a reassuring hand on the small of her back.

His eyes flicked up and looked at mine, his protectiveness practically seeping from his core.

_Sorry Edward. I'm trying not to think about it. Are my eyes still normal?_ I thought at him.

He nodded once at my thought. Bella was no fool about vampires, and my last desire was to scare my brother's human mate. The girl would recognize black eyes as those of a vampire that was clearly suffering from thirst, and I wished to appear as relaxed as possible, even though my throat had ignited in flames the moment her Chuck-clad foot had stepped through the door.

"I didn't spend a dime," I heard Edward say in defense of himself. Bella pretended to frown at him again, her face softening as he brushed a strand of hair from her eyes.

"Give it to me," she said, her voice tinged with an exasperated embarrassment. She eyed us all nervously, and I almost laughed at her. _She was more worried about being the center of attention that being a room full of vampires._ Edward met my eyes and we shared a humored moment as he listened to my honest errant thought.

Emmett slapped his hands together and chuckled deeply in his chest as he waited in anticipation for Bella to open the gift. Sometimes I think embarrassment fuels him.

The next thing that happened changed my life, as well as the life of everyone around me.

Bella slid her finger beneath the silver wrapping paper and jerked it away from her body. The sound of her delicate skin being sliced by the miniscule paper echoed in my ears. The noise that her delicious smelling blood made as it began to seep through the small cut on her finger, the exposed liquid making the fire ignite in my chest and throat.

I felt my eyes darken as Bella raised up her finger to examine the forbidden crimson nectar. They were locked on the blood as it dropped painstakingly onto the white carpet below her.

_Wasted. Cannot…be…wasted…_

And there it was.

A paper cut.

x-X-x-X-x-X-x-X-x

Well I hoped you liked Paper Cut! I thought about writing one more chapter about the attack and how Jasper handles himself afterwards, but I wanted to see if there would be an interest in part III. Let me know if you liked the story, I might consider it if I get some positive feedback.

Review!


	3. Paper Cut Part III

PAPER CUT

Part III.

The blood oozed from the cut on her finger almost sensually…calling my name…enticing me.

_Jasper…Jasper…Jasper!_

Instantly my throat was a searing inferno, the torturous fires of thirst roaring up and scorching my already agonized throat. The soft flesh behind my tongue felt like it was being peeled back with a dull blade, only to have a white hot branding iron shoved against the exposed, aching area.

Three words entered my mind as my irises darkened to black and I gave up the fight to abstain any longer.

_I give up._

Fear passed in front of Bella's eyes as she looked up from the oozing bit of sliced flesh on her finger. The sound of a speeding heart echoed in my ears with a come-hither, trance-like quality. Her doe-like eyes looked up at Edward, and then followed his gaze to meet my own. Sheer horror shot through her as she realized she was in danger.

She wouldn't be for long. _I would make it quick, almost painless…yes, I could get to her before her heart could beat another…_

My legs took flight as my body spurred forward, the hunter enveloping my already empty mind. I moved forward like a strike of lightning towards my prey and her enticing blood. How could I possibly resist something that was calling to me that way_? I couldn't. I wouldn't. _

Flames danced against my throat as the helpful venom flooded my mouth, the sweet substance coating my teeth. Yes, it would only serve to aid me while I sank my teeth into her jugular, the venom numbing the area around it. She wouldn't even _feel _it; that's how skilled of a hunter I was.

Suddenly, a hand was stopping me. The sheer force of brute strength contained in that one measly hand both astounded me and sent me reeling back through the air. I fought to move forward even as I sailed backwards into something. Wooden splinters sailed through the still air as the scent of her blood still enticed me. The loud crash of the piano breaking into a million shards did nothing to break me of my blood lust.

I sprang at her again, only to be enveloped by steely arms that held fast and did not allow me to go forward. Vile hisses and grunts flew from my mouth as my teeth snapped in determination. I would have her. _I would._

"Jazz, Jazz!"

The once voice that could break my thirsty haze interjected.

_Alice? _

"Jazz, it's just…blood," Alice said, suddenly clenching her teeth. Sheer panic rolled off of her as she realized that I was not the only one that was suddenly enticed by Bella Swan's blood.

Carlisle sent a blast of control and dominance through the room as darted to Bella's side. Something in the way his feelings seeped from his stony body as he place himself between the rest of us and the girl was almost…calming. He was in control. When so many of us weren't.

I doubled over in Emmett's arms as the rest of my family realized that the human girl was still bleeding just mere feet from us. A growl escaped my lips as I felt the rampant thirst of my family as they dragged me away from my feast.

"Get him outside!"

"Bella!"

I writhed and struggled against Emmett's arms as I fought to stay in the room with the scent of that blood. Her blood…it was sheer torture to resist it.

"Jasper, man, control it!" Emmett growled, his voice booming in my ears. Rosalie carefully avoided my snapping jaws as she placed a strong hand on the back of my neck to keep me from turning and biting Emmett.

"Jasper," she said through clenched teeth. I could feel her annoyance as Esme quickly opened the back door, her teeth clamped shut and her hand over her nose and mouth. Alice mimicked her action, rushing out side in front of us. My wife's worried eyes did nothing to help me now.

_Fresh air, fresh air, fresh air…._usually fresh air helped. Tonight, however, it did not. My throat still burned with the flames that had been ignited by Bella Swan's delicious blood. The delectable taste danced on my tongue as my acute senses worked overtime to create a flavor for the crimson liquid that I had only smelled. My quick mind was trying to give my tongue a preview of what her crimson blood would taste like on my lips, coating my throat. Even my body wanted me to have Bella swan.

Emmett's iron grasp still contained both of my own stony arms, but this did nothing to pacify me. I had beaten him in wrestling only a few weeks ago_…if I could do it now…_

Rosalie must have sensed my musings. "Get a hold of yourself," she growled in my face, just out of reach from my jaws.

"Wench!" I spat at her. Any resemblance of the husband...the officer…the brother…the friend…was gone. A bloodthirsty monster who spat cruel vulgarities as his own family had surfaced. He laughed in my face.

I struggled with rage in Emmett's grasp, and soon Esme appeared at his side to hold me tight against my waist.

I battled with myself as I envisioned kicking Esme in the gut, sending her careening backwards, and then I could probably twist around and bite Emmett…Rosalie would be no match for me…

Alice materialized from the thin air in front of me, her own black eyes staring into mine. She was thirsty too_. But would I share Bella Swan's blood with my mate? Could even a drop of it be spared from my own personal feast? No, no, Alice would have to wait…the girls' blood would all be mine..._

"Jazz," was all she said. Her words did nothing to pacify me. I growled, twisting in Emmett's arms.

"_Come on,_ man!" Emmett said between clenched teeth. We both knew that I could stay here like this and struggle against him for days. It would all be worth it in the end too….

"Jasper," Alice repeated her voice full of fervor. My wide, black eyes looked straight past her into the house, where I could still hear blood dripping from the large gash on the Swan girl's arm.

_It can't be wasted, it can't be wasted, it just can't! _

Alice reached for me again, and this time I felt myself actually open and close my strong jaws and razor teeth, snapping at my wife. She stepped back, her own black eyes igniting with fiery terror that I rarely saw. Even after seeing that my own wife would present an obstacle in the battle for Bella Swan's blood, I did nothing but growl at her several times in warning.

Alice looked hurt for a moment, then the malice in her expression returned tenfold. She snapped her own teeth at me, growling as she darted from one position in front of me to another, demonstrating that she would be no easy challenge to defeat should I wrench myself from Emmett and Esme's arms. She rested in an attack crouch just outside of my reach, her black eyes glittering with the idea of the challenge. She would be no easy feat to get past.

"Jasper please," Esme wailed, her steely arms still securely around my waist. I snarled, dropping my head to hang in front of the ground.

"Control yourself," Rosalie snarled. Her white hand reached out and struck my cheek that was attached to my hanging head. "You growl at your own wife like an animal one more time and I'll teach you."

I glanced up at her, my body finally relaxing in Emmett's arms.

"He's not a dog, Rosalie," Alice finally said softly, straightening up from her attack crouch. "Stop yelling at him."

_Why was it suddenly easier?_ I lifted my head, glancing up at the house through the trees. I realized we were in a clearing at the edge of the lawn, just beside the creek that ran through the back of our property. I took a shaky breath, realizing that the smell of the intoxicating nectar that was Bella's blood had lifted from the property.

"Carlisle is sewing her up right now," a voice said.

I turned in Emmett's arms, and Esme whimpered softly. I could practically feel our concerned matriarch's eyes darting from me to the owner of the new voice among us. Edward stood a few feet away, his own topaz eyes glaring at me with such emotion and hate that it practically struck me down where I stood.

_How are your eyes that color? How are you not just writhing in pain and agony of what could have just happened like I am? How are you still standing there while that...that…aroma permeates the house? _I thought to him. His expression stayed stony, and I knew that had been entirely the wrong question to ask.

"Her blood is more than a delicacy in my mind," Edward answered, his voice trembling as it fought to stifle a growl. "She is everything to me, and I have almost lost her once before. Her blood is no longer something I crave, dear brother," he spat. "It is what keeps her precious heart beating, and for that fact alone I no longer can crave it."

I dropped my head once again, wincing at the sheer magnitude of feelings emulating from my brother. _Loathing, disgust, pity…_

_What had I almost done?_ The weight of my decision to attack the innocent, lovely human girl rested on my shoulders and I nearly drowned in the sorrow I felt for her. _She must be terrified of me…and Edward…_

I glanced up at my brother, instantly regretting it. His eyes held so much emotion in them that I could barely sort them all, even with my enhanced mind. They flowed off of him like water droplets in a waterfall; each one different, yet still wracked with anger and disbelief.

I dropped my head as I let his emotions crash into me like the little water droplets would as they joined the body of water at the end of the waterfall. One by one they crashed into me, sending me further and further into a cocoon of self loathing and disappointment. I replayed the scene again and again in my mind just to further punish myself with the thought of what I had almost done.

_If I could throw myself off a cliff, I would._

And then he was gone, running effortlessly back up to the back of the house. We listened to him slip back inside to go console Bella.

"He'll forgive you," Esme tried to console me. "He just needs time-"

"Enough, Esme," I panted, shaking my blonde head of waves. I hated to snap at my loving mother, but now was not the time when I needed her soothing words and extra calm demeanor.

_Why is no one else suffering from the Swan girl's blood? It's all gone to waste by now…_

I shook my head furiously in a blur of self despair and hatred. Even as I came to my senses and realized what I had done, I was still reeling about the idea of the precious blood falling to the white carpet. I fought to regain control in Emmett's strong grasp, barely noticing anything else. Rosalie's disgusted, distasteful stare, Esme's wretched, condescending attempts at comfort, and worst of all the iron handcuffs of sort that my brother had on my arms. It was all useless now, and I fought to regain control over myself.

"He's gone to take her home now," Esme said softly to Emmett. Emmett nodded, still holding me down. Rosalie's face still looked like she had something sour on her tongue.

I panted and cursed in my mind, my body finally going slack against Emmett. "Do you got it, brother?" he said gruffly in my ear. His tone was consoling, but also warning. He and I both knew that if I did something I would regret, he would stop me.

I nodded curtly, my eyes still ashamed to meet those of any of my family around me. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched my wife stiffen and lose her focus as she searched the future for what I would do.

"He's okay. Just breathe, Jasper," she said her voice soft but firm. I nodded, trying my best to keep my temper in check as I was reminded of my still throbbing, scorched throat. It felt like the area on the inside of my neck had been set ablaze and then clawed at with a steel rake.

"Breathe, Jazz," I heard Alice say. I noticed she still kept her distance from me, and I felt my dead heart break.

"I am," I gasped, my voice breaking with emotion. Esme glanced at Rosalie and Emmett, and motioned for the two of them to follow her inside to leave us alone. The rest of my family disappeared soundlessly back up to the house, and I waited with Alice in the forest.

I could feel the wide variety of emotions as they fell off of her and were soaked into me. She was a little angry with me, that I could clearly see, but she wasn't as upset as I would have gathered. I did almost murder her best and only friend outside of our world.

Then it hit me; if I would have killed Bella Swan minutes ago, it would have probably (figuratively) killed Alice_. I would have hurt Alice. _ I doubled over into a patch of ferns, grasping my knees as if I was going to fall. Alice materialized at my side, her soft hands grasping mine that were still gripping the backs of my legs as I tried to organize the flood of emotions coming from her.

"Jasper!" she trilled, gripping me strongly. I looked away from her pleading golden eyes, still ashamed that my eyes were the only black ones. I had taken note that everyone else's eyes had returned to normal as they regained control over their thirst. _Was no one else suffering along with me?_ I felt more alone now than ever.

"I'm fine," I spat, more for my family's sake than hers. Alice glanced up at the house where we knew they were all listening, and then back at me. I met her eyes for the first time since the incident, and then glanced back down at the ground.

"Do you hate me Alice?" I groaned. I knew the answer to my question, but I still wanted to ask it so that she knew how I felt. I knew my Alice could never hate me; however, I could tell from her feelings at the moment that she was indeed concerned for me. Or was she concerned for Bella? For Edward?

She gave me a sad smile, her eyes flicking all around the woods. "What is it?"

"We need to hunt," she stated simply.

"You mean I need to hunt," I finished for her. Alice sighed, her golden eyes darting up to meet mine.

"You weren't the only one in pain, Jazz. I need to hunt too," she stated. She began to walk further into the green woods, and I followed her like a dog on a leash. Anything to win her back after the atrocity I had just barely not committed.

We walked in complete silence; both physically and verbally. Our two bodies ghosted through the forest at a slow pace, and I was grateful that Alice could sense I was in no hurry to return home. _Home meant facing people…home meant regret, and pain, and sorrow. _

I know that Alice could tell that the last place I wanted to be was home at the moment.

When we reached our favorite riverbed, I breathed in the biggest bunch of fresh air I could; the chilly night air soothed my parched throat, but only one thing would really satisfy me at the moment. A herd of elk were crossing about a mile up, and we could hear their beating hearts from all the way up the stream. Alice and I came here quite often, as the shallow, clear river was a popular gathering place for animals of all sorts. It was where we came most times when in need of a quick meal after a long, thirsty day of high school or something of that sort.

She nodded at me, silently urging me to take the lead and go claim my meal. I dashed off, relieved to hear her soft pitter patter steps as she gracefully leaped from rock to rock behind me as we flew up the river bank. I almost felt sorry for the herd that night as I snapped at least four necks in one graceful blur. I needed a quick meal, and I was in no mood to chase anything and prolong my suffering tonight.

I drank greedily and quickly, not wanting to feel the pain of thirst any longer. I would have walked the fires of my transformation for a month straight if it meant never having to feel thirsty ever again. It was an excruciating battle it was, the battle with the flames of thirst. It was one that I fought almost every day. One would think that as a former officer in the army I would be used to fighting and persevering to overcome an obstacle. A vampire's battle with thirst made the civil war look like afternoon tea on a hot day.

I drank and drank, each gulp of only slightly appealing animal blood coating my parched, delicate throat. It helped…barely.

Alice daintily drained a young doe, and I marveled at the sight of her holding the heavy carcass up to successfully drain it. Her kill was balanced lithely in her tiny white hands as she held it almost above her head to get the last drop out of it, and I was in awe of her. Even after decades together, it still amazed me to watch my wife do things like hold an elk above her head and see the future before it happened.

I had to do anything it took to make her forgive me.

When I had drained my kills, I felt almost relieved after the gorged feeling set in. I was no danger now, or at least for a day or two. My body was so full of the warm animal blood that I could feel it sloshing around in my stomach. I knew that it would take several hours to soak into my insides, warming and slightly sating me as it did so. I wouldn't have had room for the Swan girl's blood now even if she offered it to me herself.

_You ignorant fool_, the demon's voice in my throat cackled. _You'd drink it even if you had just drained every rotten, stinking elk on the face of the earth. You'd suck every drop from her body just to have on ounce of the relief you know it would give you. It would be wonderful, delicious, and you would be complete…_

I winced visibly as I tried to squelch the sound of the sound of the demon's voice in my throat. Try as I might to censor his demonic suggestions, they still ate at my very core. Urging me to be bad, do evil things, and kill innocent creatures. I had never doubted that the demon in my throat was from the hand of Satan himself, and tonight I was completely positive that he was. I fought him with every fiber of my being as I buried the remnants of my kill.

_Stop it! Stifle, you evil monster! _I practically growled in my mind. Anything to quiet the fiend that tried to justify my heinous acts.

When I had finished burying our kills, I stood, my eyes meeting Alice's. There was that sad smile again. _I had seen it, many years before._

It had been in 1951. Alice and I had been together every single day for a little over two years, and she had been getting more and more regular visions of the Cullens, our family that we had yet to meet. I was still doubting her when she talked about our new 'family', regularly reminding her that vampires that lived together were referred to as 'covens'. Alice had dutifully but politely scoffed at the thought of calling the Cullens a coven; to her, they were already family. We knew that they were animal drinkers, and rarely slipped. In fact, according to Alice, they hadn't had a slip in almost a decade since the large, mammoth sized vampire named Emmett had met his blood singer.

"We cannot slip of we expect to live with this family," she had told me for months. I had only known her for a short time at that point, but I already lived every day for her sweet smiles and high, lovely voice saying my name.

That's why I will never forget the look she gave me that night, so many years ago, when I came home with the tell tale blood red irises of a vampire who had committed a traditional feeding. Or, murder, as it really was called. I had murdered someone – a father, a husband, a brother, a friend…all to sate my evil thirst and calm the monster that egged me on. The look in her eyes as she had sat me down and gently scolded me had to have been the most miserable thing I'd ever seen.

The thing about it was that she wasn't scolding me to make herself feel better; she was doing it to make me realize how much was at stake should I not commit to this life she had planned for us. The Cullens surely wouldn't take us if we still had accidents, and then we wouldn't be able to join their family. I learned that night that all along, all Alice wanted was for us to be a part of something so loving and whole that we couldn't even begin to understand – a family. She couldn't remember hers, and I wasn't much better with my blurry human memories that faded bit by bit each passing year.

"We need to do this if we hope to survive," she had said. When I argued that 'of course we would survive alone without a family, we were vampires!' she had merely scoffed at the idea.

"No Jasper…we need a family to live this life that we live. We can't do this alone and keep our sanity," she had argued with me. At first I thought my companion had just gone crazy; how would living with a coven of vampires possibly make anything better for the rest of eternity? All I could picture was struggling with my thirst paired with theirs, _fights, jealousy, drama_…I had no idea what I was in for, and I was scared to go and live with the Cullens. I, Jasper Whitlock, had been scared at the idea.

That was, until I met the Cullens.

Watching Alice interact with our new family gave her an entirely different kind of joy that I had never seen her have before. That alone made it worth it, but the rest of the family soon proved that they supported myself just as much as they did Alice.

The first time I had come back from a day at school with thirsty, blackened eyes, Esme had comforted me with her calm feelings of support and love that I had soaked up like a drowning man would air. When I needed to gorge myself on animal blood to be around humans, Emmett had jumped at the chance to take me hunting for days at a time, never complaining once that he was sick of hunting so often with me. When the inevitable case of boredom set in, Rosalie and Edward took turns teaching me things to pass the time, such as chess, piano, and foreign languages; all things that hadn't concerned me as a rouge nomad. And the first time I had come home after accidently murdering a human, Carlisle had embraced me, reassuring me that mistakes would happen along my journey to give up human blood. The entire family had gone without a grimace when they were forced to disappear and move because of my doing.

Family life had been so kind to me, and had brought me out of my shell that I called an existence. And this is what I had done to them.

I came back to the present, my quick mind snapping me back to the reality of the atrocious act I just barely been stopped from committing. Brushing the dirt off my hands, I looked over at Alice. She was standing on top a boulder about ten feet up, her timeless, golden eyes searching up the river bed.

"Aren't you full?" I asked, glancing up the body of water. I could tell she was searching for more prey that would be drinking up the river, but I wasn't sure why – I had drunk nearly four times what I normally did, and she had even indulged a bit more than usual as well.

"Yes, but you need to feed again," she stated, gracefully bouncing down from the large rock. She landed silently beside me on the rocky, moonlit bank, and I nodded solemnly. If she wanted me to feed more, then I would. I would do anything for this woman.

I followed a little behind her as we walked up the bank at a human's pace. I tried to read the feelings coming off of her, but she was making it hard as they were constantly moving and changing. She was silent and pensive, which was strange for Alice. Alice wore her dead heart on her sleeve, never censoring, never hiding her feelings. What Alice felt Alice said; and right now she was saying nothing. I was nervous.

We walked along, me trailing a little behind her like a puppy that had been smacked with a newspaper, when I really felt like I should be flogged by an angry village. She didn't' hate me; I could feel that much. Alice could never hate me, even though I felt sometimes like I deserved her hate. I didn't deserve her love and affection; me, the soulless monster that had almost murdered my own brother's innocent mate.

My mind took me back again to a time just after we had met the Cullens: we had just moved to the outside of Vancouver in the early fifties, just after leaving Washington for the first time. The Cullens had already been living there for quite some time when we found them, and the need to move was already upon them when Alice and I finally stumbled across them that year.

Like the fool that I was, I had fed on a homeless man during one of our few stops on the way to our new home. Esme, Rosalie and Carlisle hadn't fed in much too long, and being cooped up in the automobile with them for such a long time had taken its toll on me. I had murdered the human during one of the stops made to fill up the gas tank, and Alice hadn't' spoken to me for days after that. She told me later that she had been afraid; afraid that they would ask us to leave.

"You can't be with me and do that, Jasper," she had said firmly. "You just can't. "

Throughout all the decades of high school, dances, graduations, trips to the mall…throughout all of those torturous experiences those words had rung in my ears, her bell-like voice sending shivers down my spine. _"You can't be with me and do that, Jasper…You just can't. "_

I would have been happy to spend the rest of my life living holed up in the forest, or in the mountains, away from everything that caused me pain and suffering. I didn't want to kill, or be a monster, or feel my prey's horror as I ended their lives. But…I did it for her. Being around people, having a family, living an honest to goodness life – it was all for her. I just went along with it so that I would get to hold her hand and call her mine.

And now…now I had almost gone and ruined that. Again.

I watched her again as we walked, and realized that she was probably thinking those same words that haunted my very existence in her head. _"You can't be with me and do that, Jasper…You just can't. "_

Concentrating slightly, I tried to read what she was feeling. _Determination. Frustration…anxiety._ Oh dear, that was never a good one. Alice was rarely ever anxious about anything, which was why I survived so well with her as my mate.

She had me drain two more elk from the herd we had terrorized earlier; those two had been the escapees. Watching from her spot on a flattened boulder, I had consumed the two animals in less than five minutes under her approving gaze. I was like a child being watched by its mother to make sure I ate my vegetables. I felt a little bit…chaperoned, but I had earned it unfortunately. I buried my punishment on the bank of the river, and we began the run home.

"Edward will be home soon," Alice called over her shoulder to me as we ran. I couldn't have stopped faster if I wanted to. I had never felt more like a coward in my entire life.

"What is it?" she asked, flashing to my side. Her expression softened when she saw my worried eyes, and her hand found mine. "He'll forgive you," she said, her voice high and unfinished…she was leaving something out.

"But?" I prodded, raising my eyebrows expectantly.

"But nothing. Let's go," she insisted, pulling me forward.

I held my breath when I entered the house, unsure of what to expect. Esme must have aired out the living room for me. A quick glance at the white carpet confirmed that all traces of the fragrant blood had been scrubbed out. I would have to thank her later.

"Don't look," Alice chided me quietly, tugging on my hand again. Carlisle was the first to greet me, like the true patriarch that he was.

"I'm glad you came back son," he said firmly, placing a hard hand on my shoulder. I nodded, raising my still-glowing yellow eyes to meet his. I felt the feelings of relief and satisfaction rolling off of him before I even tried to sense them.

"What are you so satisfied?" I heard myself snap. "I almost committed an atrocity, Carlisle."

He nodded as Esme floated into the room, followed by Emmett. I assumed Rosalie was still somewhere in the house, pouting in the company of her '_I told you so's'. _

"Yes, Jasper you almost did. But you didn't. That is what matters the most," he stated, glancing at Esme who was nodding in agreement. For once, the waves of love and utter devotion that were coming from her sickened me. How could she love me, the soulless monster that had nearly murdered Edward's mate before his very eyes?

"Please, Esme," I groaned, clenching my eyes closed for a moment. She understood my sharpness, and reeled herself in. I was grateful that my family had learned to control their emotions around me, or were at least able to control them better than most would in a time like now.

"Did you hunt?" Emmett asked bluntly. Alice nodded, and wove her arm around mine, gently pulling me towards the stairs. I gave her a questioning look, and she nodded.

"It will be a few minutes," she replied, and I followed her.

We went up to our bedroom, and I couldn't have been happier to see the solace that that one room provided. It was sleek, it was dark, and it was ours. Alice materialized on the mattress in front of me, sitting with her legs crossed. I curled into her like a cat, resting my head in her lap, my feet dangling off the edge of the bed. She ran her tiny hands through my honeyed locks, taking deep, unnecessary breaths that she knew would sooth me. Even though she didn't need to breathe, it was still very comforting to hear the sound of air moving through her still chest, blowing her scent all around me.

Testing her mood, I waited.

"Well?" I finally asked, staring at the white wall across from us.

She kept staring straight ahead, her eyes drooping as she continued, deep in thought. "I've said all I'm going to say," she replied.

"You didn't say anything," I pointed out.

"I didn't have to, did I?" she answered quickly, her voice low. She wouldn't look at me, and I didn't blame her.

We laid there for a few more minutes before her small body stiffened under me, and I looked up from her lap to see the familiar spaced out, hazy expression in her eyes.

"What is it?" I asked, reaching up to stroke her frozen cheek. She fell slack, her face drooping into my hand as she took a quick gasp for air. Outside, we could hear the faint approaching noise of Edward's footsteps. I sat up quickly, both dreading his return and to look at Alice.

"What'd you see babe?" I asked her. She glanced out at the window where Edward was approaching, and then at me.

"He…he decided…"

"Alice, what did he decide?"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Well there you have it! Sorry this took me so long to add to…but I did a lot of planning and thinking about this before I did it. I also went back and watched the scene, as well as re-read that chapter in the book.

To clarify, at the end Alice has seen Edward's decision to leave Forks, and she has had a vision of them packing up and leaving their home. In my mind, he decides on his drive home from Bella's house that they should leave, so…Alice sees it. I tried to convey that although Alice wasn't happy with him for doing what he almost did, she doesn't hate him. I don't think Alice is capable of hate, but I also tried to show that she wasn't going to forgive him easily either. Everyone else isn't going to forgive him easily either…

So do you want to punch my Rosalie? *hee hee*

That said, **I have decided to do a part IV**. Jasper just had too much to say, and I didn't want to leave out his conversation with Edward about what has happened. I also wanted to show Alice's reaction to having to leave Bella without saying goodbye, packing up the house; Jasper watching Edward leave them…Jasper's journey isn't over yet.

**So...coming soon...Part IV!**

**Please Review! I did add in suggestions that people left me in reviews for this portion, so if there is something you would like to see from Jasper's POV of the family leaving, ****please review!**


	4. Paper Cut part IV

Paper Cut IV

"He wants us all…in the living room," Alice replied stiffly, her body regaining control. She blinked several times quickly, and then looked down at me. I could feel the waves of anxiety beginning to roll off of her, and I quickly realized that whatever Edward wanted to tell us wasn't good news.

In the back of my mind, I began to panic. Did he have difficulty being in the tiny truck with the fresh smell of her blood still drying along her wounds? I swallowed hard as my throat twitched just at the thought of her fragrant blood. My heart sank when I realized the answer to my own question – _No. I was the only weak one here. I was the only one brainless, pathetic, and out of control enough to almost do such a thing. My family should abandon me or toss me out onto the street. _

"Come on," she sighed sadly.

Using my unique capability, I tried to send her what little happiness I had reserved in my body; it wasn't much. I watched the mist that was my talent roll over towards my Alice, its calming clouds embracing her in my eyes. She couldn't see my gift the way I could, but I knew she could feel it.

"Please…now's not the time," she pleaded, dropping her eyes to the floor. Her tiny hand stilled against my chest, and she moved it in a few small circles before dropping it to her side. "It doesn't feel right," she admitted. I nodded. Alice rarely wanted to wallow in her sadness for any reason; if she wanted to now, I would allow it.

I stood slowly at a human's pace, my entire body dreading the trip down the stairs to the living room. The front door clicked shut softly, and I pressed my lips together to try to control my thoughts. I wanted to give Edward the most respect I could muster, considering I had almost murdered his mate in cold blood. I could hear him as he walked calmly to the center of the room where the atrocity had taken place just hours before.

"Would everyone please meet me in the living room?" he asked his tone controlled and low.

As I listened to his even, managed voice from upstairs, I had to admit that a small part of me expected him to be roaring and screaming and tossing furniture from one end of the house to the other. I expected him to curse me, hit me, and kick me in the gut for what I had done. The fact that he was demonstrating maturity and control in this situation shamed me even more than I already was. I followed Alice down the stairs like a dog that had been swatted with a newspaper for digging through the trash. It would have been easier to feel the way I did if he was carrying on and raging with anger and vicious hate. Instead his dull, lifeless, black eyes followed me as I entered the room. They were empty, void of all emotion and feeling.

I had never felt more like a monster in my entire existence.

Edward stood in the middle of the room, my family flashing into the room to stand around him like statues. I held my breath, fearful that the scent of Bella's blood still lingered there. The idea of having even one errant thought about the smell of her luscious blood in front of my brother horrified me. In my eyes, it would have been like dangling it in front of him. Alice stepped close to me, weaving her arm around mine where we stood. She looked up at me, silently telling me with her eyes that it was okay to breathe. Over the years, we had developed quite a few private signals that allowed my wife and her iron control to help me. Her love for the humans she so desperately wanted to be around and make friends with allowed her to have much better control than myself, yet another way she made me better.

_**Mt. Washington, New Hampshire, 1975**_

_I sat miserably at the lunch table, glaring down into the disgusting human food that I was being forced to pretend to consume. I wasn't even sure what it was…_

"_Meatloaf…apparently," Edward answered, rolling his eyes. I glanced down at the mushy looking goop on the aqua colored tray below me, the foul stench rising in small waves of heat off the fresh food. As disgusting as it was, the foul smell of the human food helped distract me from the scent of the much more alluring selections around me…_

_The cafeteria was filled to the brim with students that rainy day. Normally, we could eat outside if it was cloudy enough to help alleviate the suffering. The students paid less attention to what we were doing if we were outside. However, the rain had forced us indoors today, and we were stuck inside listening to alluring call of their frantically beating hearts. Lunch hour always did this to them; it excited them and made their blood flow quicker as they all talked and chattered excitedly._

_A teenage girl flounced by, just feet away from me, tossing her long brunette hair over her shoulder. My nostrils flared as my throat surged with fire. There was no way I would make it…yes...yes I would...stop it…stop…I chided myself. I listened as my own teeth clicked tightly together as I regained control of myself. _

_Edward nodded at me silently, as if to say 'well done.' I smiled and nodded, leaning back in the plastic lunchroom chairs. I began to trace a pattern on top of the mush substance with my otherwise useless fork. I looked over at Emmett, who was casually sniffing the pea that was perfectly balanced on his own fork. _

"_Emmett," Rosalie said in warning. He grinned slyly, quickly flinging it in Edward's direction. Edward rolled his eyes again as he held up his hand to block it efficiently. _

"_Didn't your mother ever tell you to not play with your food?" Edward said, actually cracking a smile as he shot the same pea back at Emmett's face. They continued to laugh and tease each other to appear more human, and I congratulated them in my mind. I could barely get through lunch sometimes. All those bodies in one place…_

_Alice clicked her tongue once. It was quiet and quick, but I heard it. That was what she did when I was looking around hungrily…like I was in pain, just waiting for my next meal. She did it when I was looking too…vampire-ish. I sat back in my chair again, dropping my eyes to the tray in front of me. She sighed, her own little way of telling me 'good job.' _

_Over my years as a rogue vampire, there had been a short span of time where I considered what it would be like to integrate into the mainstream and interact with the humans that I had begun to fear so much. I feared them because I feared what I would do to them, so I stayed away. It was a time in my life after Peter and Charlotte, but before Alice, that I had thought about what it would be like to try to coexist with them without…well…indulging. It had seemed impossible to even consider at the time, and I had practically begun to wallow in loneliness before I had walked into that Philadelphia diner. Before Alice, I felt like I was drowning in my own self hatred and loathing, but she had come in and turned that all around. She had made it possible for me to live, not just exist. _

_We had been in school for nearly three months at that point; this was my first attempt at secondary education. Alice had been to school for almost fifteen years – she had even graduated once. My days at home waiting for her to come home from school seemed endless. I was free with Alice, but in many ways I was a prisoner, too. Anytime she left me to go shopping with Rosalie…to a picture with Esme…to school with my brothers and sisters…I had to stay home, hiding, like the pathetic monster that I was. _

_I had grown tired of it; I wanted to go to high school. I wanted to walk the hallways with my girl, proud to show her off as mine. I wanted to pass a note to her in class, sit next to her at lunch, give her a ride home from school….For the first time in my life, I had an opportunity to act my age and actually be a teenage boy, and I was shying away from it. I had had to admit to myself that I was afraid…of high school. Alice had practiced with me, coached me, encouraged me, and pleaded with me that I could actually achieve my goal of attending school. After half a decade of practice, I had made my first attempt. It was shaky, at best. The students knew to be leery of me; their instincts told them that I was something to be feared. However, it was harder for me than it was for Alice or Emmett, two of our family's most outgoing members. They just…made it look so natural that it was hard not be envious at times. _

_Alice sighed a little as another girl walked by. I looked up, alarmed. I hadn't even been watching her…was I doing something else frightening? My mind replayed what I had been doing the last few minutes, but all I could think of was the fact that I had been playing with my own serving of putrid smelling peas. _

_Edward caught my eye, shaking his head once discretely. _

_She didn't mean to sigh? I thought at him. He shook his head again, his eyes travelling across the cafeteria to rest on a group of girls sitting at round table in the center of the room, talking and giggling excitedly about some silly kegger they were going to out in the woods that weekend. _

"_We can go," I suggested to Alice, who was watching them out of the corner of her eye. _

"_Right," Rosalie muttered, picking apart her ham sandwich. Alice looked up at me, her eyes hopeful for a second. My dead heart broke a little when she looked back down, her expression somber. _

"_They would never think to invite me," she replied sadly, pressing her tiny lips together. I could smell the flavored chapstick on her lips as she chewed on them slightly. My Alice wanted so badly to have friends. _

"_We could go shopping this weekend instead," I said, wincing a little at my pained sounding voice. I hated shopping, with or without the temping aroma of humans around – it was just so boring. "I uh…need some more…dress shirts," I added hopefully. _

_Her expression softened, but she still looked over in the direction of our school's 'it' crowd of girls. I tried not to notice as her pale little hand rose subconsciously up to her head to pat down the spiky locks that I loved so much. The expression on her face was of pure disgust. I looked over at Edward._

_Is she worried about hairstyles again? I thought at him. He nodded, glancing over at Rosalie. Our sister sat dully at the head of our lunch table, her blonde tresses styled in the latest fanned out fashion thanks to her new styling wand. By definition, she was probably the prettiest thing to ever grace these halls. And yet…she was still miserable, I thought. Edward nodded once in agreement, and no one even noticed. _

_As lunch droned on, Alice had to snap herself out of her daydreams of long hair to help me control myself several more times. I didn't care if she had short hair with some near-bald patches; I didn't care that she was pale, tiny, and could tell me what I was going to do before I did it. She was Alice, and she was mine, and that was all I needed. _

I pulled myself out of the moment from the past, wondering if it had been a mistake to try to familiarize myself with humans at all in the first place. Looking back now, I wished I hadn't. I would do anything to take back what I had almost done earlier.

For the first time since Bella had left our home, I allowed myself to inhale cautiously, tasting the air around me. Relieved, I breathed in and out several times, trying to calm myself from the torrent of emotions being thrown at me by my family. They were confused, worried, and anxious about what Edward wanted.

I glanced at Esme, who met my eyes and smiled; it was tight, but warm just the same. I would have to thank her later for her obvious thorough cleaning of the living room. I know that it couldn't have been easy for her to clean up Bella's blood; however, that wasn't the type of task Esme would avoid in her own home. I knew that she had nowhere near the control that Carlisle possessed, yet we all knew that it was a goal of hers to follow in his footsteps into the medical world. She looked back at me, seeming to understand how I felt.

We all turned our attention to Edward, who stood in the center of the room.

"What is it, Edward?" Carlisle asked, his voice laced with concern. Worry oozed off of him, cloaking the room in a dismal haze as I watched, trying not to soak any of it in. Even though I deserved it.

"Jasper…" Edward finally said, looking over at me with his empty eyes. "Enough."

I blinked a few times, surprised that he had acknowledged me again so soon. If I was in his position…He glanced up at me, clearly instructing me with his sudden, sharp look that I needed to stop that thought right where it was.

"I…I've decided to ask something of you all that I never hoped I would have to. I…I'm asking you to leave Forks. For me," he finally said. Silence hung in the air like the dreary mists that cloaked our hometown. My chest began to tighten with sadness for our entire situation, Edward's in general. How could he leave Forks? Bella?

"What?" Esme squeaked, her hands flying up to cup her pale cheeks. If it was possible, she looked even paler than normal. Carlisle looked down at the floor, wrapping a reassuring arm around her shoulders.

Emmett's hand went up to rest on Rosalie's shoulder, who looked like she was suddenly going to explode. My eyes flew to Alice's face, which was somber and drawn as she listened to Edward speak.

"I want to leave as soon as possible, if we could. Please…" he added, his voice raspy and wracked with hurt. I sighed as I watched my brother stand before our family and ask for such an inconvenience. However, it was one I knew we would all do for him. They had all done if for me several times over the last half a century. I would give Edward this without grievance, but I knew that not all of us would be so understanding.

"What?" Rosalie hissed, her voice low and menacing. I watched as her golden eyes darkened with rage, which was never a good sign. Rosalie was actually quite dangerous when she was like this. Angry and ruthless, her rage could make her do something she would regret later. I had thanked the heavens several times throughout the years that I had not met Rosalie as a newborn in the South, for she was surely one of the few new vampires that would have frightened me.

"I've never asked this of you before," Edward replied quickly, his voice still monotone and emotionless. His eyes slowly flicked up to look at hers, and I could almost see the poison she was spewing at him with her thoughts. Fury and malice dripped off of her in the most horrible looking red and fiery haze, making its way towards me like a dark cloud would over a prairie just before the storm. I flinched as it hit me, wrapping me tightly in its grasp.

"It doesn't matter!" she insisted, her black eyes widening. "You cannot ask us to do this now!"

"Rose," Emmett said quietly, running his fingertips down her arm to soothe her. I could practically see her ignite.

"No, Emmett, let me say this."

We all watched as she stepped forward into the center of the room, Edward cowering away from her in disappointment and sadness as she began to speak. The harsh tones of her voice echoed off the high ceilings and glass windows, making us all cringe inwardly.

"Was I not the one who told you in the beginning that this was a bad idea?" she asked. She shifted her icy black gaze around the room. "Was I not the one who told all of you that this was a bad idea from the start for him to get involved with a human? She's not like us. She never will be…and yet you all stood idly by while he threw himself at her, divulging all of secrets. It's not like he's human, and they're breaking up and…she knows. She knows, Carlisle! She knows!

"I realize that, Rosalie, but we can trust Bella. She would never hurt us," our patriarch insisted. Esme looked up at his profile, her worried gaze following his eyes over to Rosalie.

"Rosalie, he fell in love with her," Esme said softly. "You can't expect Edward to always be alone…please, don't crucify him for falling in love with her-"

"No, Esme, I won't do that – but I will crucify him for betraying our family and bringing her here in the first place. We could be figuring out where to stash a body right now if we couldn't have stopped Jas-"

"Enough!"

Alice's shrill voice cut through all the chatter in the room, shocking us all. I watched as she moved forward towards Rosalie, even as upset as she was. I wasn't sure I didn't trust Rosalie to not attack someone right now in her agitated state.

"It was an accident, Rose," Alice replied, her tone firm and menacing. I lowered my head as my wife defended me and did my dirty work.

"Accident or not, if Edward wouldn't have brought the girl here, this would have never happened. Jasper was just doing what was natural. Edward is the one at fault, and now we're all paying for it."

"Rosalie, enough," Emmett pleaded, ever the peacemaker. Rosalie turned to spit fire at him with her gaze, and he sighed and closed his mouth, his hands flopping down at his sides in defeat.

"You know I'm right. Look me in the eye Emmett, and tell me that I'm not right," she insisted.

Emmett sighed again, backing away from her. "I can't fight this battle. I'll leave if Edward wants to…he's never asked me to leave for him before. He's had to leave because of me once…and I won't deny him that," Emmett insisted. I watched as his mood shifted to apologetic towards Rosalie, but his attitude towards Edward remained faithful and supportive. I pressed my lips together again, silently thanking my brother that always managed to surprise me. I would have never thought in a million years he would go against Rosalie in my and Edward's favor.

"Emmett!" she hissed. "I will not leave and start over as a sophomore in high school just because he wants to run away from his silly little human girlfriend again!" Rosalie insisted. She shifted her gaze back to Edward, who now rested against the banister.

"Babe, listen to him. We can't make him stay," Emmett argued back for once. Rosalie's eyes bulged and her perfect lips slammed together to form a straight line.

"Let him go by himself!" she hissed. "I don't want to start all over again! Think about it Emmett. Do you really want to sit through sophomore English one more time? Or gym class?"

Emmett sighed, and I could see his brain working. It was easy to see that he didn't, yet I could feel his feelings of loyalty towards our brother.

"I won't go," she huffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest. The room was silent for a few moments as she and Edward stared each other down. I was sure that the dialogue going on in their minds was quite loud.

"So you won't support me on this?" he confirmed, his voice raspy and thick. He glared at her, and then looked at our parents.

"Will none of you do this for me?" he pleaded softly. "I can't be around to hurt her anymore."

"Are you sure?" Esme whispered her eyes still wide. Edward nodded. I watched as Esme's eyes lowered sadly, and then moved back up to meet Carlisle's concerned face. I didn't need Edward's talent to tell what they were saying. Esme was undoubtedly upset to have to leave again; she loved this house in Forks much more than she had our previous Alaskan home. Carlisle had also reveled in the opportunity to practice medicine again after taking time off to live in our secluded home. I watched as Edward stiffened as his eyes shifted to look at Alice.

Alice.

I had never felt such feelings of grief and sorrow as the ones that were emulating from my wife at that second. It was almost as if the Swan girl really had died. I felt like I might as well have been standing at her funeral with my wife, instead of contemplating moving away from the girl. She clutched my arm with her tiny white hand, trying to keep her composure as waves of determination seeped from her. I realized then that she was torn between mourning for the loss of her only friend outside our kind, and trying to keep it together for our brother.

"We've never moved for you before Edward. If you…if you think that this is…what you need, then…I see no other option for us. If you go…I'll…follow," she finally stuttered, still gripping my forearm. I heard a heartbroken Esme sigh, her eyes moving around the interior of the house that we loved so dearly. Forks was one of the few homes we had had that really felt like just that- a home.

"Edward, there are other options," Carlisle finally said, breaking the silence in the room.

"No, there aren't," he said flatly. "I need to leave. We all do," he added, looking pointedly at each of us. I shuddered when his eyes met mine, and I tried not to come unraveled as he finally started to acknowledge me.

"Carlisle, we've been here too long as it is – you know this. We're all starting to look incriminating."

Carlisle pressed his lips into a thin line, his piercing golden eyes watching Edward. "If you believe we need to leave, then that is what we must do. I will support you on this. We all will," he said firmly, his eyes moving to Rosalie. I watched as she pulled her lips over her teeth, her black eyes growing en even darker shade of liquid onyx that only she could produce in her irises. I almost shivered at the sheer horror that was my sister sometimes.

"I want to leave right away," he continued. "A clean break. I will go tomorrow and tell her that we've decided to leave-"

"It'll be sunny tomorrow," Alice interjected, her voice barely a whisper. Edward looked at her, surprised. It was almost like he hadn't been counting on that.

"Then I'll wait until tomorrow night. Either way…it needs to be done."

I watched my wife as she tried to search the future for the outcome of tomorrow, but I could feel the frustrating waves as they rolled off of her. Had Edward's decision not been made? I waited and tested her mood again a few seconds later, but she answered my question.

"Edward…what part of that have you not decided?"

"Just how. It's going to happen, Alice," he said gently, but firmly. I watched as Edward's words sunk in, making her perfect, pristine little face threaten to crumple. I would be irate with my brother for hurting her if I wasn't on his side – and I was. I would miss Forks, and I would regret being the stepping-stone that gave him an excuse to leave Bella. And I would even miss having her around; however, I suddenly wanted to get as far away from Forks as possible. Edward's eyes moved up to meet mine, and I felt peaceful for a moment.

_Edward, I will go and support you. After all...I caused this, and so I will do whatever I can to make this easier,_ I thought to him. His eyes flicked away, never acknowledging that I had had those thoughts towards him.

Rosalie stood like a marble statue in the center of the room, glaring at each of us for agreeing to leave with Edward so amicably. Emmett pawed at her wrist, trying to pull her away, until she finally hissed at Edward and turned on her heel.

"Be sure to find a new little human pet when we move this time, Edward. It just wouldn't be the same without one," she spat. "That way, we can all have this charming little experience again!" With that, she disappeared from the room, and I could hear her begin throwing things around in her room. Emmett gave Edward a sympathetic shrug, his large shoulders rising and falling with remorse for his mate's behavior. Edward nodded at him, and then turned his attention to our mother, who was silently crying imaginary tears against Carlisle.

"Esme," he began, and she lifted her head.

"Its okay, Edward. I should…I should start packing up," she said sadly, looking up at Carlisle. He nodded, rubbing her shoulder reassuringly.

"Yes, and I should inform the hospital of my…desire to leave Washington," he said. Esme nodded, and moved quickly to start her preparations to move. I could feel the feelings of slight resentment as she moved about the house like a whisper. Carlisle disappeared quickly, his feelings tinged with regret and disappointment to have to leave…_or was he disappointed in me? _

I watched as my family moved around me to make the usual preparations to leave our Forks home; however, I was waiting to see what Alice was going to do as she stood next to me, frozen like marble.

"Alice?" I asked gently. I tested the air around her to see how she felt, but her feelings seemed to be just as immobile and rigid as body currently was.

"Yes?" she suddenly said, breaking her trance to look up at me. "What is it?"

"A-are you alright?" I prodded. She gave me a stiff nod, her eyes darting around the room as her feelings of longing and sadness slammed into me. I blinked several times at the weight of it all, trying not to collapse at the sheer magnitude of her feelings. I wasn't sure if it was the actual emotions she was feeling that affected me so, or if it was the reason she was having these feelings in the first place. Either way, I knew it was because of me and that saddened me to the core. This was all my fault.

I watched as my wife moved towards the closet near the front door, removing her sleek, beige rain jacket from the hanger. She tossed it over her arm, her eyes darting up to look at me questioningly.

"No," Edward said sternly, running up to stand like a barrier in front of the door. She gaped at him in shock, looking between the two of us.

"You can't, Alice," he said. "This is not about you."

She started to growl at him possessively but bit it back. The rumbling sound still resonated in her small chest, menacing just the same. "She was my friend too, Edward," she hissed. Edward dropped his head, running his hand through his already mussed hair.

"She might see you…she'll know something is wrong," he insisted. I groaned inwardly as I realized what this was about – Alice wanted to go say goodbye to Bella.

"Don't insult me, Edward," she trilled, her chest rising and falling with each short puff of indignant air she sucked in. "I know how to not be seen. Will you really take this away from me?"

"It's not right, Alice. I need to be the one to do it. I will say goodbye for all of us," he said. She blew the air she held in her chest out her nostrils quickly, visibly upset.

"She was my friend, too," Alice huffed. "And I'm going to go say goodbye to her in my own way, now will you please move!"

Edward sighed, eying me from across the room. I did not need his gift to know what he was saying to me; it was a warning glare. I dropped my eyes as I flashed by him through the front door after Alice. I did not mistake the emotions that swirled around him as I quickly moved past him: possessiveness, anger, and sadness. I knew to keep my distance from her as my wife said goodbye.

"Not letting me say goodbye to my own best friend…ridiculous," she snarled as she followed after me. She knew that Edward was still within ear shot, and I didn't think she cared. Normally, I would have been raging with anger at my brother for being to cruel to my Alice; however, I was in no position to be angry with anyone.

I followed her all the way to Forks, although it wasn't hard to keep pace with her. My wife was usually one of the fastest in our family, her small legs working to propel her tiny body like a bullet. However, as I felt her mood I could tell that she was definitely prolonging this small journey to Bella Swan's house. Not that I could blame her; I know that if I ever had a friend besides my family members that it would, indeed, be hard to say goodbye. As if that would ever happen. I had to laugh at myself for having such an outlandish thought.

I had learned many words over the years to describe the feelings that I could gauge with my talent. Sadness, greed, guilt, joy, amazement, horror, anguish, exuberance, indifference, happiness…I had felt them all as my time as an immortal. However, nothing could have prepared me for the flavor of the air around my mate as she stood just behind the tree line of Charlie's lawn, hidden by the darkness. Her pale face stood out against the green of the woods, making her sudden onslaught of grief even harder to bear, as I could see it on her face.

I had never felt anything like what Alice was going through. It felt like she had just been told she would have to spend the rest of her existence in a bleak purgatory of nothingness, swallowed hole by the blackness of indifference and emptiness. In that moment, I could tell that Alice felt like she would never feel joy ever again.

It began to drizzle slightly as we stood in the forest, just out of sight from Bella's window. Alice stared at her solitary friend in this world as she ambled around her bedroom, hanging pictures and writing thank you notes.

I watched as she sucked in her breath slightly as Bella hung one of the pictures taken that night of her and Alice next to her desk.

A disbelieving 'oh' slipped from her mouth as she watched Bella push a thumbtack through the top of the photo, securing it to her small bulletin board.

"You alright?" I asked softly, watching her face carefully in the rain. She didn't say anything, only turning to look at me with her large golden eyes. The rain had pooled in her short, spiky hair, and slid to her eyes. The small drops of water lingered for a few seconds on the tops of her perfect cheeks before becoming too heavy and running down her marble features like real tears. It looked like my Alice was shedding tears; I had never seen anything to heartbreaking in all my years.

"If I could," I began softly, reaching out to touch her cheek, "I would cry in shame for what I have done to you. I would…I would cry for you, Alice," I finally choked out. It was the truth, and I could feel her soak in my feelings of sorrow and regret.

Her bottom lip began to tremble slightly, and I knew that if my wife was still human that her tears would have been spilling over her eyes at that moment. She was in my arms in a millisecond, her small hands grasping wildly at the front of my shirt as she sobbed silently; tearlessly.

"It's not fair, Jazz," she wept into my chest, clutching at me for dear life. I rubbed her back as she shook in my arms, trying to calm her with my talent. It was the least I could do, for I had never seen her come this undone in almost sixty years.

We stood in the dark forest for nearly an hour as my wife stared into the window of the human girl. When the warm glow of her desk lamp had finally been shut off and the room enveloped in darkness, Alice had finally turned to me and nodded, signaling that it was time to go. Home was the last place I wanted to be right now, but it was where duty was calling me. It was amazing, but I still had a strong sense of duty after over a century and a half after my military experience – sometimes it was the bane of my existence.

I followed her home through the misty woods, testing her mood as we went. She was plagued by something, although I wasn't sure what. What had she seen that was bothering her so?

As we ran, I thought about starting over. What would it be like this time? What story would we tell? What lies would we peddle in the new town? I shook my head to myself. I wasn't going to do that again. I was never going to put myself into these situations ever again where I would be tempted to kill the innocents around me. Hopefully Carlisle would understand my desire to not return to school. I would sit through hours alone, without Alice while she was at school if it meant that I would no longer be tempted to commit murders all around me. I would miss her, but I wouldn't risk losing my Alice ever again. I had gotten a brief taste of what that would be like earlier in the evening before I knew she would eventually forgive me, and I had no interest in repeating that ever again.

We arrived back at the house just in time to see Emmett pulling up with a U-Haul van. We usually left most of the furniture behind, but Esme always insisted on taking the important things with us; Edward's piano, Carlisle's cross, Rosalie's prized cherry bedroom set, Alice's gold plated mirror, and a few other belongings that had been with us for decades.

Walking into the house, I heard my wife heave a little sigh as she viewed the looming emptiness that was the living room. Most of our art, pictures, and cherished belongings were on display in the living room, and they had been stripped and packed neatly away by our mother. I followed her to Carlisle's study, where we could hear him speaking on the phone. Entering, we spied Esme hanging from the top shelf of the tall bookcases, collecting Carlisle's cherished books and wrapping them up carefully. He closed his cell phone, looking up at us as we entered.

"You're back," he stated, giving me a proud nod. I winced, looking down. Was I always to be the family handicap?

"I had to…" Alice trailed off, looking to the side at the steadily filling boxes as Esme packed at top speed.

"Carlisle, where will we go?" I asked. He smiled tightly at me, sharing a look with Esme.

"We've decided on New York – Rochester, specifically. Esme and I kept the house that we lived in while we were there in the twenties, and we're confident that we'll all be happy there," he stated hopefully.

Esme hopped down from the tall shelves, walking up to me cautiously. "It's still somewhat secluded. We've kept the land around it for years, so no one has built very close to it. It's a lovely house, I'm sure you'll love it as much as I always did. I thought for a moment I was going to shed real tears when Carlisle originally suggested selling it!" she smiled.

I looked at Alice, and she shrugged. "I suppose so," she mumbled, pressing her tiny pink lips together. Esme took both of her little hands in hers and squeezed them.

"You've always wanted to live in New York. There's lots to do and the city never sleeps…" Esme added, looking at her adopted child optimistically. I knew she was trying to soften the blow for my poor wife, but Alice wasn't taking the bait. She and I both knew that without Bella, she would be miserable.

Bella Swan had been the best friend my Alice had ever had, and I had heartlessly yanked that away from her in less than three seconds. Was there no end to my suffering?

"Would you mind living in Rochester? I think Rose would…I'm sure she would be grateful," Esme gently prodded, looking between the two of us.

_Ah, so that's what this is. This is a ploy to pacify my outraged sister._ I would play along…I knew that living with a scorned, upset Rosalie was nothing I was particularly interested in doing. Her vile feelings would seep out of her like poison, eventually suffocating and torturing me. It was easiest to live around her if she was at least appeased slightly, even if she was still angry. If living in her original hometown would help ease her anger, I would take it.

"Alice, we might like New York. I've always wanted to try being a Yankee," I joked gently, stroking her elbow. She sighed, her eyes darting up to meet mine. Would she be angry with me forever?

"I suppose that would be nice, Esme…that sounds lovely. I would really like to see your home in Rochester. You've always told me so much about it…It's time I saw it," Alice replied. I could sense her own feelings of duty and need to please as she said to our mother. Esme smiled weakly; she looked exhausted for the first time ever.

"Good then. I've already called the hospital and informed them that there was a family emergency to tend to in Los Angeles. All of my things will be sent to my P.O. Box there. Once they're there, I'll have them forwarded to New York."

"You're sure?" Esme asked, delicately wrapping up another one of his books. He nodded at her, his face somber.

"Yes…they understood. I think they were sad to see me go…but they understood."

"That's…good, I suppose," Esme admitted, sealing up another box. I looked at Alice, motioning towards the door. She went, and we flashed up the stairs to our bedroom that was still untouched.

"I'll pack…" she said slowly, fingering the dark drapes that lined the glass windows. I began to gather my things, but Alice's pale hand shot out and stopped me.

"No. I'll do it. Go talk to Edward," she said firmly. I looked up at her slowly, not bothering to move the hair out of my eyes that had fallen there. She stared at me as if she was challenging me to defy her wishes. I nodded dutifully, setting down the things I had gathered.

I would do anything for Alice.

I knew that I would have to talk to Edward eventually, and I wasn't putting it off. I wanted to give him time to cool down and regain his control. Edward was very logical and easy to deal with – if his temper was in check. Not that I could blame him. He had been changed at a mere seventeen years of age, and I had seen many boys in my human years that were that old that simply hadn't gained control of their emotions at that point. To be frozen at that age for all eternity…I shuddered at the mere thought.

As I walked down the hallway to Edward's room, I tried to clear my head of any errand thoughts and approach my brother with as much calm as I could.

_Edward, may I come in?_ I asked in my mind. The door slowly swung open, and I could see Edward as he dashed around his bedroom, carelessly tossing and jamming his beloved possessions into the cardboard boxes we used for moving.

_Shouldn't you be more careful with your things?_ I thought. He growled under his breath, shoving another row of old records into a bag.

_Sorry. I would have come to talk to you sooner, but I thought…you might want some time. _

He looked up at me, his black eyes on fire. "You're right. I did want some time," he snapped, picking his TV up off the wall. He set it down on the sofa, wrapping in a blanket a few times.

"Edward," I spoke out loud, "I can't even find words to tell you how sorry I am. I've…I've let you all down and…well that's just it. I've let everyone down."

He looked at me, his body stopping movement for a moment. Cocking his head, he disappeared out the open doors of his bedroom, and I followed. We ran away from the house, far enough that our conversation wouldn't be heard by our family members as they packed up our belongings.

We darted through the black forest, dodging trees as we ghosted along. Edward eventually stopped, turning to face me as I followed him into the small clearing. He didn't speak for a few moments, and the silence made me uneasy. I knew that he knew, but that was just Edward's way of doing things. If he wanted to make me uncomfortable, then I probably deserved it.

"You don't," he replied, his voice raspy. I looked at him, surprised, my eyes bulging. Why was he not acting angrier with me?

"You don't deserve my anger. My anger is for myself," he answered. I frowned. _What on earth…_

"Edward-"

"No, Jasper, listen. While your control did lapse…I've done some thinking I cannot blame you for what you did."

"Edward, I could have-"

"I KNOW what could have happened, Jasper. I am well aware. However…when I calmed down and thought about the situation, I realize that you have done nothing that you weren't supposed to do."

I was confused.

"I know," he replied in answer to my thought. "Jasper…we are killers. We are animals; murderers by nature. We only fight that urge to be seen as human and blend in. But we cannot hide what we truly are. We can try, but…sooner or later…we are what we are. I realize that now. You were…you were only doing what came naturally, Jasper. I won't hold that against you," he added quietly, his golden eyes flicking up to meet mine.

I shifted uneasily in the darkness_. How could he be so blaze about all of this? I had practically-_

He cut off my thought by waving his pale hand in the darkness. "No…Jasper…Please don't. I can't bear to listen to that. I know."

"So…Edward, you have every right to be upset." I was still confused. How was he not tearing me limb from limb?

"Don't think I'm not," he interjected. "I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't have stopped you earlier. I can't promise that I wouldn't have tried to kill you."

His words hung in the air for a few moments, and I felt the sorrow hanging off of them. I knew that he wouldn't have wanted to kill me, but I couldn't blame him. I knew I would kill for Alice. But would I kill Edward?

"Jasper…You cannot help what you did. As I said…as much as it pains me, you were only acting naturally. You were following your instinct. I am the one who is at fault for bringing a human around and tempting you for months. I'm not going to hold what you are against you."

"A monster," I muttered, kicking at the mossy ground beneath my feet. "I understand if you…want to be angry with me."

"No," Edward insisted quietly, glancing in the direction of our home. "I'm more angry with myself. I've put her in danger for far too long, and now it's time for me to leave her alone."

I paused, testing his mood. Was he certain about leaving Forks? He seemed to be…

"We're really leaving then?"

He nodded once. "Yes. I want the family to be back up and gone by dawn…and then I'll go tell her. I'll meet you in New York in a few days. I have something I want to do first," he replied. I inhaled slightly as his body began to take on a powerful golden haze that seemed to seethe with determination. W_hat was he going to do?_

"That's not important," he whispered, turning towards home.

"Edward, you know that I…I would do anything for you. If you need my help with something-"

"No, Jasper," he said quickly. "I have to do this on my own. You understand?"

I didn't say anything. My loyalty to my brother was strong, and I wanted nothing more than to help him in order to some way make up for what I had done.

"I thank you for that," Edward replied to my thought.

I knew that he wanted to say more, but my talent told me that he wasn't ready to do that. I knew that we had nothing but time, and whatever he wanted to say to me would come out eventually. Unfortunately, we had another daunting aspect waiting for us at home – an empty house.

We ran back, flashing through the darkness like two identical bolts of lightning, our feet barely touching the ground as we flew. I could sense that he just wanted to get this over with, and I couldn't blame him. I loved my home in Forks. It was one of the few places that did feel like home to me over the years, and I felt comfortable here. This would be a hard move for me, and for the rest of us.

Alice and the rest of the Cullens made me happy, but I doubted I would ever be fully complete. As I walked into the emptying house, I was hit with the various emotions of my family members as they packed up their belongings. My mind took me to a different time as I watched them move about the emptying house….

_More than anything, I ached for a day when I could take Alice back to my home state of Texas as live there with her. _

_We could be out in the hot sun without fear of being seen, and we wouldn't be tempted to commit murders to the people around us. _

_I would build her a grand house in the country that we could live in for the rest of our lives, not having to worry about moving or being recognized. _

_Our children would come to visit on Sunday, brining our grandkids and great grandkids around for us to see. _

_We would be happy. _

_We would be human. _

Edward glanced at me as he packed up his piano across the room. I bowed my head, ashamed at the thoughts in my mind. The first few years of my vampire life, it had been pounded into my head that I was a great warrior, a leader, a value to my kind – I should be proud for everything that I was.

But I wasn't.

I rarely let it show. I was struggling with the Cullen lifestyle enough, so why would I add in the desire to be human? I still had it, but I didn't like to let that be known. Rosalie, for example, wallowed in her misery every day because she wasn't what she wanted to be, and I never wanted to join her in that feeling. Just experiencing her feelings of sorrow and misery for her immortal body was bad enough to feel coming from her, much less have myself. And Alice…my wife had no idea what it was like to be human, and I had the feeling that she was content living how we did, as immortals. It would break her heart to know that I dreamed of us living a different way.

Emmett and Carlisle became off-white blurs as they carried box after box full of a lifetime of collectibles, artifacts, books, clothes, and memories to the moving van. Esme dashed around the house, making sure we had gotten everything that we needed. The house wasn't being sold right away; I had heard that from Carlisle. Part of him still believed Edward would change his mind, and despite the determined haze around my brother, I would have sided with Carlisle.

I wrinkled my eyebrows as Rosalie appeared in the doorway, her arms full of suitcases and dress bags galore. _So typical…Rosalie,_ I thought. She was sure to glare menacingly at all of us in the room as she stalked past on her way to the truck.

Slowly, the sky began to lighten, and I knew that our time in Forks was up. Alice and I had spent the hours before dawn saying goodbye to our room, collecting our things, and packing my car. With five different cars, almost everyone would have to drive this time because of our hasty disappearance from Forks.

I started the vehicle, bringing the engine to life as the garage doors opened for the last time. As I rolled out of the bottom of the house, I watched as Alice turned to look behind us out the rearview window.

"No looking back," I gently reminded her. That had been our mantra over the years to help us cope with being nomads of sort.

"I can't help it."

My heart sank at her words, and I promised myself I would never let myself hurt her like this again. I was taking her away from her home, her friends, and most importantly, the closest semblance to a life that we had had in decades. My inner monster had nearly driven me to commit an atrocious murder in order to quell his wild thirst and for what – a few days at most? The sheer malice and embarrassment of it all shamed me to no end.

We drove away from our home, into the unknown again. We left in our wake a shattered human girl, an empty house, and dozens of people wondering about our strange disappearance.

And it was all because of a paper cut.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

There you go! Paper Cut is now complete! I worked really hard on this part, and I would like to thank my lovely friend **ohmistars** for beta-ing this for me. She did a wonderful job, and she's a great friend and muse for me, so thank you doll!

Also, if you would like to add me on twitter, I'm **TwilightCakes **on there.

I post teasers, chat, post banners, gather ideas, and generally just have a good time on there, so be sure to add me! I'm also **TwilightCakes Fanfiction on Facebook** as well!

**Reviews welcome, but leave the soap boxes at home please : )**


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